Weigh-in Wednesdays: 135.6

Starting weight: 176.4
Last week weight: 132.2
Current weight: 135.0
Current loss: +2.8

TOTAL LOSS: -41.4

And I totally feel it too!  I'm not even gonna try and sugar coat it (mmmmm... sugar coating!) cause I honestly believe it was possible that I ate 9800+ extra calories in the last week!  The weekend was horrible with homemade desserts, Chinese food, steak and seafood, and a little alcohol in honor of my dad.  :)  Last week I can remember an ice cream party at work, two late night fast-food runs, and no home lunch what so ever.  So 9800+ extra calories was so easy!  Man, I'm losing my low-130 status and all I can ask myself is:

What am I gonna do about it?

Who gives a crap?!

So... remember last week when I said I was going to be back over the weekend to update everyone about what I've been doing?

FAIL!

This weekend I was busy and barely had time to get on the computer so that's my excuse for no update.  As far as being M.I.A. this month... that's a different story.  I was trying to stay busy - mentally and physically - and not think about anything related to weight-loss.  Well it's been working... sorta.

The good news: Although I'm out of the 120's and back in the 130's, I've been maintaining low 130-status for the entire month of June and that's with low-intensity workouts (Insanity gets thrown in every so often for a change) and not being crazy strict about my nutrition.  I haven't counted a single calorie since May and instead of putting all my focus on eating this much protein, this much carbs, and this much fat, I just ate.  ANYTHING! Focusing on portion control was the most important thing to me and it worked well.

The bad news: I just don't care anymore!  I don't know what it is, if I've hit some type of wall, but I just don't care about this "life-style change".  I'm not completely happy with my body but looking back at where I started from... I'll take it damn it!  I've lost 25% of my starting weight... a fricken quarter of myself... which comes out to almost 45 lbs.  45 lbs. is a pretty big deal!

Like I said, I'm not 100% happy with myself, but I'm sick of making exercise and proper nutrition my LIFE!  Not just sick... SSSSOOOOOOOO  SICK!

I'm sick of waking up every morning and feeling anxiety about making today a good day.

I'm sick of looking at everything that goes in my mouth as good or evil. 

I'm sick of seeing lists of things I can/cannot do to be healthy.

I'm sick of talking about weight-loss.

I'm sick of writing about weight-loss.

I'm sick of reading about weight-loss.

I'm sick of feeling like shit for not reaching my goals!

I'm sick of stressing about who I'm becoming with these compulsive natures!

I can't even remember who I was before starting to lose weight!

What did I talk about?

What did I think about?

What did I do before all this started?

Besides the obvious answers to the last question (some obvious answers: eat like a pig, sit on my ass all day, not give a damn about how I looked or felt) I seriously can't remember what my life was like pre-life-style change.  How sad is that?

Don't take this post the wrong way... it's not a pity post and I'm not giving up in any way, shape or form, but something needs to change.  I'm beginning to resent food, exercise, and people who have reached and surpassed their health goals.  To tell you the truth, even the bogs I follow are losing their inspiration NOT because the people writing them are not inspiring (OMG they are!) but because I'm losing my motivation for this whole thing.  Something needs to change... and quickly, too!

Weigh-in Thursday: 132.2

Starting weight: 176.4
Last week weight: ??

Current weight: 132.2
Current loss: ??

TOTAL LOSS: -44.2

OMG!! Only my fourth post in June and the month is half-way done! Don't worry, there is a reason behind the lack of posting and it has nothing to do with being too busy.  :)  

It's just something I was trying for this month and it seems to working in my favor... my weight is holding pretty steady in the low 130's and nutrition and exercise aren't the only things I'm focusing on.

I'll be back on the weekend for a real post and update.

Power to me!

In case anyone is wondering, there's a  non-biten sugar cookie in my desk trash can.  

Picked up one of these from the office kitchen:

But threw it away and replaced it with one of these:

Yay me!!!

___________________________________________________

 An no weigh-in today... I'm in no place to be stepping on that scale right now so we'll leave it at that!

Still here....

 Been in a funk lately with stress, lack of sleep, headaches, and did I mention stress?

Lots going on at work so will be busy busy busy.

Nutrition has been pretty bad this weekend with burgers, pizza, and ice cream but still getting in my workouts.  I'm not saying it's okay I ate crap because I worked out, but it's better that I at least worked out... right?

Anyway, so Insanity is awesome!  It's just as crazy as I though it would be and after getting in my fourth workout, it still kicks my ass every time.  Because I'm in month one and the workouts are a little shorter (40 minutes) I supplement my Insanity workouts with a quick upper-body workout after.  For those that don't know, Insanity is very cardio/plyo based so it lacks a little on the upper body strength training.  Sure you have some push-ups and tricep work, but nothing that gives my muscles a good pump.

I'm not following the program like scheduled but instead I throw in dvd's as I please.  I do better at things that don't make it a requirment to do something... tell me I HAVE to do a certain workout and I don't want to.  Leave it up to me and my workout will get done.  Human-nautre at it's best!

Weigh-in Wednesdays: 130.2

Starting weight: 176.4
Last week weight: 129.4
Current weight: 130.2
Current loss: +0.8
TOTAL LOSS: -46.2

Second week in a row with another slight gain but it's no biggie cause I know of several reasons why this could be:

1. TOM
2. off of my mystery diet
3. started a new exercise program
4. ate out last night - Mexican!

Okay so #1 is obvious... I gain anywhere from 2 - 5 lbs. just during this time.

#2 is a little trickier.  After doing so well with the diet plan I was on, I decided to end it early (it was 6 more weeks of strict eating) cause when it really came down to it, I didn't truly believe in the diet.  In fact I knew it was controversial and not a smart way to lose the weight. What I mean is I did it to prove it DIDN'T work, but it did what I needed it to... it got me to a brand new low weight and has completely remotivated me.  So long story short, it's a diet that you deplete your glycogen and fat stores which means no eating fat and very little carbs.  I'm talking one apple as your carb source for the day... really!  And since I reintroduced both fat and carbs back into my diet, well it's no wonder I show another gain.  No biggie cause that's not true "weight-loss" anyway.  Moving on!

#3 is what I'm most excited about!  I got this in the mail on Friday and was so excited:

 (source)

Yup, jumping on board with the others and doing Insanity!  I took the fit test and did the first dvd and I'm hurting... in a good way!  Without my trainer, I've been a little lax on myself with the intensity of my workouts so Insanity put me back in my place and my sore muscles are proof.  Word of warning: This is not a program for beginners! I don't consider myself  "advanced" or anything, but I have over a year of training with a professional in plyometrics and agility so knew I could attempt this program.  Lots of jumping and high-impact stuff so if you have knee or joint problems, definitely check with your doctor first.  In fact you should check with your doctor first no matter what your fitness level.


So as excited as I am to do this, I won't be blogging about it too much because I noticed that tends to be where things get off-track.  I get so caught up in wanting to blog about it everyday that it becomes a chore and I want to stop.  I think that's the reason why I never completed rounds of any Beachbody program even though I have over 5 of them!

I will exercise everyday, 6x/week, but if I get off schedule and throw in some solid weight-lifting workouts instead... so be it.  As long as I'm consistent, right?

And #4 on my list of "it's-a-gain-again" is pretty staight forward too... but it was yummy!