This weekend I was busy and barely had time to get on the computer so that's my excuse for no update. As far as being M.I.A. this month... that's a different story. I was trying to stay busy - mentally and physically - and not think about anything related to weight-loss. Well it's been working... sorta.
The good news: Although I'm out of the 120's and back in the 130's, I've been maintaining low 130-status for the entire month of June and that's with low-intensity workouts (Insanity gets thrown in every so often for a change) and not being crazy strict about my nutrition. I haven't counted a single calorie since May and instead of putting all my focus on eating this much protein, this much carbs, and this much fat, I just ate. ANYTHING! Focusing on portion control was the most important thing to me and it worked well.
The bad news: I just don't care anymore! I don't know what it is, if I've hit some type of wall, but I just don't care about this "life-style change". I'm not completely happy with my body but looking back at where I started from... I'll take it damn it! I've lost 25% of my starting weight... a fricken quarter of myself... which comes out to almost 45 lbs. 45 lbs. is a pretty big deal!
Like I said, I'm not 100% happy with myself, but I'm sick of making exercise and proper nutrition my LIFE! Not just sick... SSSSOOOOOOOO SICK!
I'm sick of waking up every morning and feeling anxiety about making today a good day.
I'm sick of looking at everything that goes in my mouth as good or evil.
I'm sick of seeing lists of things I can/cannot do to be healthy.
I'm sick of talking about weight-loss.
I'm sick of writing about weight-loss.
I'm sick of reading about weight-loss.
I'm sick of feeling like shit for not reaching my goals!
I'm sick of stressing about who I'm becoming with these compulsive natures!
I can't even remember who I was before starting to lose weight!
What did I talk about?
What did I think about?
What did I do before all this started?
Besides the obvious answers to the last question (some obvious answers: eat like a pig, sit on my ass all day, not give a damn about how I looked or felt) I seriously can't remember what my life was like pre-life-style change. How sad is that?
Don't take this post the wrong way... it's not a pity post and I'm not giving up in any way, shape or form, but something needs to change. I'm beginning to resent food, exercise, and people who have reached and surpassed their health goals. To tell you the truth, even the bogs I follow are losing their inspiration NOT because the people writing them are not inspiring (OMG they are!) but because I'm losing my motivation for this whole thing. Something needs to change... and quickly, too!