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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Fear of who I was

Here are more answers to the GAG Challenge questions:

What is your greatest fear?
What habit do you have that you find is just impossible to break?

I decided to answer these two questions together because for me they go hand-in-hand. My greatest fear is becoming who I was at my heaviest weight.

I've been there, done that, so to go back to something I hated will only make it ten times worse. Imagine being in the darkest, scariest place you can think of. Imagine working hard everyday to get yourself out of that hellhole and how happy you are to finally be out. Now imagine you (and only you!) willingly let yourself walk through the door back into that dark place... not because you want to go back, but because you choose to go back. How do you feel?


I've worked my tail off to get healthy again and if I let myself go back to who I was, it'll make me feel even worse!

So how does my impossible-to-break-habit fit in? Well for me I CANNOT live without ice cream! Not just will not live w/o it, CANNOT live w/o it! Having ice cream most nights is the habit I find impossible to break... and you can see how this habit would lead me to my greatest fear. I know a lot of you may be thinking that's so weak, but trust me... I've tried to give it up... I've tried to cut it down to once a month... I've even tried to eat the healthy ice cream substitute crap but I just cannot! I've easily been able to give up all the other junk food I used to eat and love but I don't know what it is with ice cream. Granted I don't binge when I eat it, but I do eat some almost every night. (And yes, I realize I may be at goal weight by now had I given ice cream up a year ago, but I don't want to live the rest of my life ice-cream free. So I keep in my diet and just work harder/longer to make up for it).

I just think of it as motivation to get me moving even more (right?)!


Anonymous said...

But I think there are some really important points to be made here. We all have our limits. You have ice cream, I have a cocktail. The difference now is just planning for it AND accounting for it. Days I know I'm going to indulge I adjust other calories, plan a healthier menu, do some extra cardio, whatever.

BTW, I make home made ice cream all the time. My kids loooooove it. Well, so do I. But I say I'm doing it for them! ha ha.

Anonymous said...

This is so true! Without some simple pleasures the journey just doesn't seem worth it. You are still making huge strides and once you reach your goal weight you will know that little indulgence helped to make the trip a little easier. :)