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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

It needs to be said

A shift has happened.

Something inside of me has changed.

As of lately, I've lost switched my focus on this journey from weight-loss to building muscle.  I know what you're thinking... how is this bad?

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing bad about it but I think I took away the weight-loss focus because I haven't lost weight... not because I don't want to lose any more.  Make any sense?

Basically, I'm afraid to fail at losing weight.  I already gained back some of the weight once, and now that my initial goal-weight is thisclose, I'm FREAKING  OUT!!! 

Right now, "weight loss" is still a work in progress so in my mind, when I tell people I'm trying to drop pounds, it gives me permission to mess up (right, right?).

Accidentally overeat three days in a row?  
No big deal, I'm still learning on this journey.

Skipped exercise all week long?  
Everybody on this "weight loss journey" does it, so it's okay.

Focusing on building muscle, on the other hand, lets me think it's okay to overeat because you need extra calories to build muscle.  True.  It also lets me think having no loss or a gain over several weeks is okay because you're supposed to gain weight when you build muscle.  True, again.

But I've been lying to myself... the scale hasn't been moving which is why I switched my goal... not the other way around.

I was kidding myself about not focusing on weight-loss because even though I'm 10 lbs. away from my original goal weight, I'm still about 15 - 20 lbs overweight for my height.  And even with some muscle gain, I should still be seeing a loss on the scale.  Tomorrow I have my measurements taken with Trainer L so I'll know for sure if I'm still moving in the right direction... even if the scale isn't.

Since it's now been said, I'm bringing back the focus on losing "the last 10 lbs.".


Jenn said...

I am with you in your quest to lose the final 10 for achieving goal weight!!

I know for myself, I am quick to come up with a new plan or scheme to lose weight since the scale seems to be moving much more slowly these weeks. But I think just staying on course, the best we can, with no excuses, is the only way to get the weight off. We just have to be patient!! I know, I know, easier said than done.

You are so close! Hang in there.

Raeesa Samizdat said...

Such a good post! You know yourself well enough to call yourself on it and halt it before it gets out of hand even if it happens to coincide with changed goals that may mask what's really going on. I hope to get there one day :)

blackhuff said...

I think it's great that you have swifted your journey over to building muscles. That is awesome - I love building muscle now that I am maintaining. Can't wait to read more about your new journey.

deanna said...

I hear you! Great post and to the point. I need to refocus too. I have been giving myself way to much slack. Looking at our latest vacation pictures of myself I know I have to real in the slack and work hard.

Karla said...
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Karla said...

I went through that earlier this year and it took me a good month to shake myself out of that mind set. We are here for ya girl

Karla said...
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Treadmill Hiker said...

Wow - I think it's great you're able to see to the heart of the matter, identify what you're doing and demand a change from yourself. That's rare and very admirable! You are clearly in control, and that's what is going to keep you on the road of progress towards your goal. But I think you also have to accept that - without any excuses necessary - some weeks will just be chugging along with your newfound knowledge, habits, and lifestyle, without any of the noteworthy success stats you've grown accustomed to racking up. You're going to have to gradually shift into maintenance, and I guess that has to start with a slow down of progress as your initial goal looms ever closer.

I don't see anything you have to be frustrated about. The way you've progressed all looks ideal, if you ask me. The last 10 lbs are probably the hardest b/c the slow down discourages people, but your knowledge and healthy habits have affected even MY progress, through reading your blog, so take satisfaction in the whole big picture, and in time your final goal will naturally fall into place...if it is in fact your ideal healthy weight.

I bet focusing on building muscle *will* in fact help you get there sooner - as long as you keep identifying healthy ideas from excuses.

Norma said...

Might be worth getting a body fat test done (calipers are most reliable) to make sure your original goal weight is realistic. You may have lost more fat and gained more muscle than you realized. I had 135 lbs in my head as my magic number. I got to 140 and that was it...the scale would not go any lower no matter how strictly I ate, how much I worked or how I worked out. For four years I sat between 140-144 feeling great, looking good, getting stronger and achieving more athletically all the time, but still FIXATED on why can't I lose eight or ten more pounds? Finally my trainer was sick of hearing my whining, measured me with calipers and told me to STFU because my body fat is 13.4% and there is no way my body is going to lose 8-10 lbs of fat when it's only carrying about 14 lbs of fat on it now. To drop those pounds, I'd have to stop weight training, do ONLY cardio and TONS of it, and eat even more strictly than I do now...and do that indefinitely to maintain. I'm not willing to lose strength, muscle mass or bone mass and GAIN FAT (and struggle to maintain that magic #) just to say I weigh 135. It's worth looking into to put your mind at ease. Just a thought.

Maren said...

I think that switching the focus onto muscle gain isn't a bad thing, but like you said.. it depends on why. But gaining muscle mass would help you lose fat, so that's good too. I agree with Norma!

Blog Wobble said...

This journey is tough - more so the mental aspect than the actual physical side.
If you are aware of your thoughts and feelings and striving to make positive changes to the negatives then you are doing a good thing. Good luck!

affectionforfitness said...

Although I'm still working on my weight, I've kept off about 30 pounds for about 5 years now. And I think that the reasons for it have changed over the years. And my ways to keep inspired for fitness have also changed over the years.

The thoughts and goals that initially kept me inspired no longer do. You just have to keep reinventing yourself and finding meaning--today. Much of my fitness meaning now comes from helping others succeed.

I'm also working on finding meaning with weight management, because the same problem happens here. The thoughts that initially get you to some point are sometimes not enough to carry you through to goal.

So I do understand what you're saying.

:-) Marion