(The list of "31 Days of Reasons" is not in any particular order)
When I gained weight - between the years '01 and '08 - I don't know exactly when it started to affect my self-esteem.
Yes, I was conscious that I was bigger, but I don't remember feeling bad about myself... at least not in the beginning. I still went out with friends, drank until the early hours of the morning, went to bed, and did it again several days later.
I was in denial for most of my weight-gain but once I saw this picture, everything changed... everything.
How could I let myself get like this?
Don't I have self-control?
I'm so embarrassing to be seen with!
I immediately stopped going out with friends. Not because I needed to stop the weight-gain, but because I was humiliated. Defeated, inside. I even convinced myself that if/when I got married, I would elope because no way would I want my family and friends to see me like this. Plus, I felt like I didn't deserve it.
As much as I hate the picture above, it's the picture that made me change my life... possibly even the picture that saved it.
As I started to lose the weight, I slowly got my self-confidence back. I slowly started to think I was worth something. I slowly started to be proud of who I was. I still have a ways to go but at least I'm headed in the right direction.
I'm on this healthy journey so I can start believing in myself again.