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Friday, December 2, 2011

Reason 2: To believe in myself

(The list of "31 Days of Reasons" is not in any particular order)

When I gained weight - between the years '01 and '08 - I don't know exactly when it started to affect my self-esteem.

Yes, I was conscious that I was bigger, but I don't remember feeling bad about myself... at least not in the beginning.  I still went out with friends, drank until the early hours of the morning, went to bed, and did it again several days later.

I was in denial for most of my weight-gain but once I saw this picture, everything changed... everything.

How could I let myself get like this?
Don't I have self-control?
I'm so embarrassing to be seen with!

I immediately stopped going out with friends.  Not because I needed to stop the weight-gain, but because I was humiliated.  Defeated, inside.  I even convinced myself that if/when I got married, I would elope because no way would I want my family and friends to see me like this.  Plus, I felt like I didn't deserve it.

As much as I hate the picture above, it's the picture that made me change my life... possibly even the picture that saved it.

As I started to lose the weight, I slowly got my self-confidence back.  I slowly started to think I was worth something.  I slowly started to be proud of who I was.  I still have a ways to go but at least I'm headed in the right direction.

I'm on this healthy journey so I can start believing in myself again.

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